we can handle the truth

I like this new Māori parenting program, due to be released on Thursday, by The Office of the Children's Commissioner. It is based upon research which shows that abuse of children was shunned by Māori and arose from Missionaries and colonisation.

Stuff

Prior to Europeans arriving, children were considered gifts from the gods and whanau shunned child abuse.The researchers suggested abuse arose only after Maori were introduced to corporal punishment in missionary-run classrooms

It is so good to see the myths and slurs on Māori getting dealt to by research. Te Kahui Mana Ririki, the child advocacy group, commissioned the research and Chair Dr Hone Kaa states

"It will serve to demonstrate to Maori they don't have to believe they're inherently violent," he said.

Maori children were taught by Europeans that bad behaviour should be punished by physical violence, he said. This steered away from the traditional idea children were tapu and discipline should be avoided because it tamed the child's spirit.

They researched the treatment of children using oral histories, poems, and European observations and what did they find?

Researchers found children were treated with loving care and indulged. "The father was devotedly fond of his children and they were his pride and delight," the report found. "Children would entwine themselves around their father's neck for an entire day, asleep or awake, as a constant companion." This instilled love, security, and confidence into Maori children.

Lead researcher Margaret Mountain Harte hoped the findings could be introduced in school curriculums to educate Maori teens. "It's empowering for me. The whole warrior culture was balanced by the nurturing one," she said.

Yes we need to take back the ownership of us, we need to keep decolonising our own heads because they have forcefed the myths into us. This isn't a rosy picture of hippie Māori - the reality of the old times are known and people were killed and degraded for all sorts of reasons, including children. But that is irrelevant to the fact that children were the future and that future was protected seriously. Of course there are those who don't buy this and that includes Paul Moon

Maori history professor Paul Moon, of Auckland University of Technology, dismissed the idea abuse began after the Europeans came. "The proposition that missionaries introduced violence, it's one of those allegations that entered the historical bloodstream and once it's in that bloodstream, it's hard to get out. I would want to see evidence."

Hey paul isn't that research and evidence included in the report coming out on Thursday?

Moon said the report's reliance on oral histories and lullabies also raised doubts over its reliability

Oh well, I am sure I saw that the 'great european historical record' has also been researched so hopefully that will allay moons fears. Meanwhile his broken record will keep revolving.


The abuse of children is intolerable and must be sorted. Race or ethnicity has nothing to do with whether a person will abuse a child but poverty does, and stress does. This research can rebalance the lies and disinformation put out to suppress Māori aspirations. This research can be used to reeducate those at risk of abusing, those who do not have the mana and knowledge and are already abusing. This program will make a difference for our children.

Does it work?

Te Kahui Mana Ririki has reported a reduction in child abuse after running workshops based on its findings.

Great initative and some awesome research - thank you.

a great idea and aroha for Japan

A great idea from Bill on The Standard

Why not retrofit school buildings in NZ to an extra-ordinary high standard and have them double up as emergency centers in the event of a natural disaster? So for example, why not have schools fitted with a number of land lines given that cell phone networks appear to be somewhat fragile in the face of quakes? And why not install sizable septic tanks that sewerage could be diverted to when sewerage systems break? And have robust fresh water storage facilities on site? And independent power supply capabilities? Why not designate schools as permanant repositories of disaster provisions (water, deydrated or tinned food, blankets, tents, toileteries etc)?

Go and read the whole post, it makes a lot of sense and Bill's idea is innovative and positive - just what we need to strengthen our communities.


I'm sending aroha to everyone affected by the massive earthquake and tsunami in Japan - what an absolute horror - my heart goes out to you all.

I'll tell you what is important to you

Isn't it the fundamental right of a child to be bought up within their culture. If māori birth parents adopt (foster or some other mechanism) the child to pākehā but then decide that it is important that their child be bought up within their māori culture what do you think the High Court should determine?
From NZH

"The biological parents of a two-year-old girl have lost a legal battle to have their daughter raised in a Maori family.

The biological father wanted the girl brought up in her own culture, but the High Court this week ruled in favour of the care couple.

They were granted primary care but must ensure the girl has continuing contact with her birth family and raise her to know her Maori roots."

I just can't see that being good enough.

"Justice Warwick Gendall said "As taonga, children are to be treated with respect, responsibility, love and care by all members of the group.The court had to consider what was best for the child now."

Which group? what does respect and responsibility mean when this decision, about māori, is made by a legal system that barely recognises māori values. How can pakeha decide what is best for māori?

The cost to the child and our communities by this decison really make me feel very sad.

big C and the big L

Change – Sometimes change is incremental, almost unseen and that type of change is very effective over time because it is so slight in our sight, we hardly even notice it or its effects. For instance the continents move at the same rate our fingernails grow. Not very fast yet, over time – well big things can happen. I imagine this is the strategy of the maori party. Dig in, take each extra fingernail width advantage and build on that, take each concession and lock it in. It works but it just takes a long time.

Another type of change is much quicker, a cascading type of change where each piece seems to slip into place, very quickly, almost without effort. And before you know it you look around and the world has changed and changed big-time. I’ve just undergone the second type of change. And I went into it willingly, with choice. I’ve moved to the country, I’ve enrolled in full-time study and I’ve done a few other things too. Why? Love is the answer. And isn’t it often love that is the catalyst for big massive life altering changes that we sometimes experience? My son means everything to me and I love him. The maori party didn’t form because of hate for labour or it’s disgusting legislation, it formed because of love. LOVE! Love for maori. This is the wellspring that the maori party should always connect to, and cascading change will occur.

I’m not too sure how my personal changes will affect mars2earth. The house I’m house-sitting only has dial-up but I’ve been pleasantly surprised – it’s not actually as bad as I remember. It may still take a few weeks to get into the flow and find the new rhythm, what with the study and all but luckily the area of study I am undertaking is also in alignment with the kaupapa of mars2earth so everything should strengthen. I’d imagine the number of posts I do will diminish and I may write in a bit more depth on issues that interest me.

I’m excited and enthusiastic about the next phase.

police shame

It really is difficult to get your head around. That the police would have 108 child abuse files sitting around gathering dust for a couple of years and meanwhile the brave people that made the complaints, that forced themselves to seek help - have been left without any help at all. What a terrible plight those people have gone through and are still going through today as the cases are only now being followed up.

From NZH

"Wellington police had been working to ease the backlog with a special operation, investigating more than 100 files since December and making 30 arrests."

When are we going to realise that arresting and putting people away in jail is not the answer. We need to look at the causes of this situation. Why is this happening?

The truth is we need to fix the foundations of this country up. That will support tangata whenua and also support everyone else. We won't fix this issue unless we look deeply at the cause - and the cause is partly due to injustice that permeates our society - from it's formation to today.

Update from Stuff

"In the Wairarapa, 108 cases were unallocated, files were uninvestigated on average for five years and, in some cases, victims lived with their alleged abusers all that time."

"Wairarapa's top police officer and a senior detective are facing possible disciplinary action over the mishandling of child abuse files."

"The IPCA found there was also a backlog of child abuse cases in Rotorua and Westport."

An average of five years - resign - you have let everyone down.

Nubians want apology

Isn't it shocking how some people are treated just because of the colour of their skin. Is it insidious or unconscious? It happens everywhere.

"Nubians come from the southernmost region of present-day Egypt, where a culture later known as Nubian first arose around 3800 BC along the Nile and in northern Sudan. It was one of Africa's earliest black civilisations, complete with an independent kingdom.

Haifa Wehbe has the minority Nubian community in Egypt distraught over her latest children's album "Baby Haifa" and the community's activists have launched several lawsuits over the lyrics.

The Nubians took issue with a verse in the song Where is Daddy? in which Wehbe croons: "Where is my teddy bear and my Nubian monkey?"

The line, Nubian representatives say, infers that members of the black Egyptian minority are monkeys. In November, they slapped separate lawsuits on the singer, her record label and Wehbe's Egyptian song writer.

If the Nubian's are offended then it should be remedied. It is hard to imagine anyone not being offended by being called monkeys - you would be wouldn't you?

"It may not be intentional racism on the part of the song writer, but it is still highly racist and offensive," said Motez Isaaq, with the Committee for Nubian Issues.

Isaaq said that stereotypes of minorities are so entrenched that referring to them in popular culture media is frequently done unconsciously.

"We are one of the oldest civilisations on earth," said Isaaq. "Instead, our image is constantly perpetuated as the uneducated doorman or waiter."

Isaaq alleged that Nubians are discriminated against because of their darker skin, and stressed that the community still holds in painful memory the political oppression in the 1960s, when the Egyptian government forced tens of thousands of Nubians to leave their homes and resettle elsewhere in southern Egypt, to make way for the building of the High Dam, 685km south of Cairo.

These people have been treated poorly - imagine having to move everything because everything you know and love is about to be under 15 metres of water.

"Isaaq said the danger of her song is that it targets children."

"Kids can soak up the lyrics so quickly," he said. "They could start calling their Nubian classmates monkeys."

Isaaq's group has held protests against the song, he said, and is also suing Egypt's culture minister and the country's state censorship board for allowing Wehbe's latest album to be on the Egyptian market.

The Nubians want a formal apology and an end to airing the song in Egypt, Isaaq said, expressing also hope that the action would change the way other Egyptians treat their Nubian fellow countrymen.

And the final words are resounding

"Egyptians have to stop treating us as second class citizens," he said. "We are the original Egyptians and the country needs to remember it."

I hope the apology is soon and that the Nubian people get treated with more respect.

protesting for a good cause

Good protests against the changes to ACC for abuse survivors.

"At least eight survivors of chronic childhood sexual abuse joined 170 people in a rally at Auckland's Albert Park, followed by a march to the city's ACC branch. Others marched in Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin."

"The changes, taking effect from October 27, require sexual abuse victims to be diagnosed with a mental illness under the US Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Version 4."

There is no doubt that using this new system will make it harder for survivors to get help and heal. And this, it seems to me is part of the privatisation process.

"North Shore psychotherapist Christine Hatcher, on her first march since the 1981 Springbok tour, said she would not take any more ACC-funded clients because it was against her code of ethics "to put survivors of sexual abuse through more trauma than they have already been through".



Dr Gudrun Frerichs, also from the North Shore, said that in 20 years of psychotherapy she had never been wrong in assessing whether a client would get ACC funding for sexual abuse counselling - until a tightening in the past three or four months.


"Now I can't say whether someone will get funding or not," she said. "You have to wait for ACC. It might take up to six months for a decision."

Support when it is needed the most is the answer - not trying to reduce the support given to these very brave people who survive this terrible offending.

community spirit in adversity

A few wee things that have caught my eye.

First my heart goes out to the parents looking for their lost little girl in Henderson. It is every parents nightmare and with my son turning 2 in a day or so I know just how fast the wee ones can move. I hope for a happy outcome and that no foul play was involved.

The searching by volunteers for the wee girl, and the community spirit that that shows is an example of the way it could be, all the time. And that community spirit was shown after the big snow too. 600 people trapped and they were all looked after by marae and community groups. The local 4 wheel drive club members went out and bought the people back in their trucks. They didn't ask for money they did it because they cared.

In Samoa the shock is wearing off and the reality is setting in. How can someone lose 14 members of their family and go on. After the initial action drops is often the most dangerous time. Yes aid is coming in and people are being fed and I thank everyone from key on down for the support they have given, but now the healing has to begin. And the diseases and pollution must be given healing energy. The fragile state of the people, many of who will have post traumatic stress disorder and really be questioning themselves with guilt and why must be addressed. It is not enough to just support the infrastructure the people are the most important thing.

Did you hear anything more absurd than the line Samoa and American Samoa. Colonisation is still here and it is disgusting.

I caught the end of nightline last night and watched Ali Ikram's pisstake on likely maori TV rugby commentary coverage. Can't find a copy of it online but I'll keep looking because it was a good example of a shocking attitude - all wrapped up in apparent humour. Hey Ali - you should be more respectful of maori after all you are living here, aren't you?

Footnote - here it is

family violence solutions - community, community, community

Awesome new initiative tackling family violence in pasifica and maori families.

"The strategies aim to bring about a change in the attitude and behaviour of Maori and Pacific perpetrators of family violence by increasing understanding of the causes and effects of their actions."

"Government ministerial committee on family violence chairwoman Tariana Turia said the five-year strategy was a new start based on the old ways of the Maori and Pacific people.

"My focus has always been to focus on the potential of people to be the navigators of their own journeys, and that's why I'm so excited about the strategies, which move the debate along from talk to action."

Mrs Turia said the strategies would work because they gave communities the ability to find their own solutions."

Non-maori continually say that maori should own and fix up the terrible violence statistics relating to them. This is a step towards that. This is a great line - "a new start based upon the old ways" Love it! And this, "the potential of people to be the navigators of their own journeys" Love that too! And this one, " gave communities the ability to find their own solutions." Yes!

Community is the answer to this issue. Bringing people together to work on their own solutions within their community. It cannot be fixed any other way IMO

Community gardens growing in Catlins

I'm a big fan of community gardens. This initiative in the Catlins (where our family is from and my cousins still reside) is fantastic.

"Little green fingers in the Catlins are behind plans to establish a community garden in Owaka where residents will be able to grow and tend to their own crops.
Year 7 pupils at The Catlins Area School, with some help from teachers, have been beavering away behind the scenes for the community garden on an old tennis court between the school and Owaka Playcentre.

While still in its early stages, the plan has won over the Clutha District Council, which has approved a 10-year lease of the land at a peppercorn rental.

School science teacher Jane Young, in a letter to the council, said the garden would reflect the principles of sustainability and good organic gardening practice.

All ages, from preschoolers to the elderly, would be able to get involved, she said. "

Yes! Get people involved, engaged and connected. All ages, all ethnic backgrounds. The benefits are so numerous for the individuals, the community and this country.

boys behind girls - absent fathers - time to front up

Disturbing news about the education lag for many boys.

"New Zealand boys are further behind girls in the classroom than in any other developed country, and the head of a Christchurch boys' school blames marital splits. (My emphasis)

The 30-member Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) yesterday released a report comparing achievement by 15-year-old boys and girls in 40 countries.

Of the OECD countries in the study, the difference in reading achievement in favour of girls was greatest in New Zealand, the report showed.

"There are significant gender differences in educational outcomes, and these appear as students grow older.""

I've discussed this in a post here.

""It's an issue that boys' schools have an opportunity to address," St Bede's College rector Justin Boyle said."

Boys seemed to have particular difficulty with writing, and the school had introduced a programme to improve writing skills, he said.

"I believe also there are other social issues; who are the male role models who are influencing these boys?" Boyle said.

"Invariably, we find if mum and dad have split they have not had the male role model in their lives to encourage them in a holistic way about how they get educated"" (my emphasis)

and

"Boys are affected by divorce very deeply because 85 per cent of custody goes to the mother and guys just disappear. That needs to change," he said.

"We need to have a family split-up philosophy where we realise that sons need their fathers. All custody and access should be 50-50."

That is my view too. We need to help men be good fathers to their boys and we need to start helping them today.

And we really need to consider the consequences of not helping these men be good fathers. We are already seeing this:

"An attack in which three men blew a sheep's jaw off with fireworks and attempted to set it on fire had to be one of the worst animal cruelty cases, the Tauranga SPCA says."

These guys, Blake John Kerridge, Mitchell Anthony Herbert and Matthew Ludolph all aged 17 from Auckland have been let off because the police could not prove exactly how the sheep was killed.

and this:

"Hamilton's coroner says a man who died with two of his children in a head-on smash had set out to commit homicide.

He had threatened to kill himself behind the wheel and when he did die, so did two of his three children."

In evidence, the man's estranged wife told the court her husband had found their separation difficult and repeatedly threatened to kill himself.

Her husband was allegedly unhappy with the thought of her finding someone else or their children having a stepfather."

We have to start today or these headlines with boys and fathers going mental will increase. Start with your whanau, start with your own personal healing.

RIP Lucy

I don't know Lucy Gordon. I've never seen spiderman 3 and can't remember seeing her in any show/program. Two days before her 29th birthday she apparently committed suicide in Paris, by hanging herself.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

It is so sad that a talented young person (and they are all talented!) believes that killing themselves will solve their problems.

Is there any young person near you who is having a hard time? If yes, talk to them. Don't judge - just listen - you may be able to save their life!

enstein and the father dilemma

We have a dilemma in our country around fathers who, leave their children because they cannot live with their woman anymore, or more likely, the woman has decided she can't live with the man. The dilemma is how to help these men retain and strengthen their relationships with their children, most importantly, their sons. I don't think many men have the support they need to help them negotiate this path.And I am not advocating any cessation of the support for women and children who escape from an abusive relationship with a man. Many men spiral into abuse and they do it almost automatically. Why?

The hard part for many men is to reconcille the situation with their role and responsibility. Too often we get the lament that they were driven to violence, that they had no choice. But it is all rubbish that clouds the truth of accepting responsibility and moving on. Counselling is often the best way to front up to the underlying issues causing a man to be abusive. Often father issues arise. The experience their children are going through activates memories and fears that they have felt, when they were young. With no techniques for negotiating the conflicing feelings many men retreat into depression. Our fathers were supposed to teach us how to cope with these situations, but for too long fathers have not been able to furfill that role.

I'm reading a book about Enstein at the moment. He left his two boys and his wife, this is what he had to say about imaging life away from his sons;

”I would be a real monster if I felt any other way. I have carried these children around innumerable times day and night, taken them out in their pram, played with them, romped around and joked with them. They used to shout with joy when I came; the little one cheered even now, because he was still too small to grasp the situation. Now they will be gone forever, and their image of their father is being spoiled.”

Men have a great fear of this. That their sons will forget them, if they leave. Where did this fear come from? Is it just a normal part of our psyche? How does it relate to the dilemma outlined above, that face men who are leaving their families?

I think the world wars had a lot to do with it. A least two generations of men damaged by those world events. The women also damaged in so many ways. The men that came home had to just get on with it, they had to carry everything inside them.

I am not sure if that made them good fathers. Humankind has been carrying the unintended results of that global conflict for many years.

They did their best, these men, but they were damaged. How could they not be? Their sons grew and continued the same distant parenting style. On top of that, men nowdays, have the pressures of work Our society has sped up so much it's frightening. We do everything fast nowdays. This affects people, especially men, because our society encourages “man as breadwinner” as a social norm. As pressure comes on to provide for our families the cracks can start to form. They appear as increased drinking or drugs, as unhappiness and anger, as violence and abuse. The feelings of self loathing increase and the downward spiral begins.

I think a lot of these feelings of “unworthyness” are a result of our wanting our fathers to be there for us.

If, as you go through a relationship breakup, you keep on thinking of the children, what's best for them, how to make it easier for them: then you stop feeling selfish and acting selfishly. You start to concentrate on what is doable, you think about ways forward and options. At that point, as a man, you become empowered and in your power, in your mana.

It is those moments of understanding when you need your dad, or at least his words and advice. And often that is when our fathers are not there for us. But we can be there for our children, even if we are seperate from the mother. Being there for our sons is our sacred duty. We must be there for our sons by putting our own fears and hurt and embarrasment, and self-denial, and blaming others to one side and let it go.

I believe that the models we are using need to be revisited. Maori men for instance need maori support and a maori way of teaching and learning. We are polynesians not english.

Co-parenting is a good way to be there as a parent.

Developing safe communication tools is the best place to start – I recommend Non-violent Communication - a language of life, by Marshall B Rosenberg

Enstein was, in many ways just like the rest of us. He made mistakes, he was selfish, and he left his boys to be bought up by their mother. He was able to forge good bonds with his sons and we can too.

Enstein letter to his son;

“I will try to be with you for a month a year so that you will have a father that is close to you and can love you. You can learn a lot of good things from me that no one else can offer you. The things I have gained from so much strenuous work should be of value not only to strangers but especially to my own boys. In the last few days I completed one of the finest papers of my life. When you are older, I will tell you about it.”

Bed share but not if your drunk, stoned or tired

So, Doctors are issuing warnings about bed-sharing.

Bed sharing is natural and the best way to connect with baby. Benefits of bed sharing or co sleeping are many. Bed sharing isn't the problem, it's bed sharing when your drunk (or been taking any intoxication, including weed, pills etc), or as the doctors put it:

"The Health Ministry advises against bed-sharing when: The baby's mother has smoked during pregnancy. The adult in bed with the baby has been drinking or taking drugs or medicines that might reduce their awareness of the baby. The sleeping adult is excessively tired."

The education should be around all of the above risk factors. Most people that i know that bed-share, including our family, just don't tell people because they don't want to be judged by ill-informed people who just work from fear. Most people do bed share in some way. But if you are not sure, then put the bassinet or the crib next to your bed... it works. We have the whole bedroom set up as a big bed, in other words a single and queen bed together.

Is bed sharing a cultural 'thing' as stated below?

"Auckland GP Shirley Tonkin said anti-bed-sharing messages had been "opposed by prominent Maori who have claimed that it is a valued cultural practice and to oppose it is being culturally insensitive".

David Tipene-Leach, former head of the Maori cot death prevention programme, said there was huge resistance in the community to banishing babies from the parental bed. Instead, he proposed the use of woven flax bassinets for use in a shared bed."

In my experience it is only uptight anglosaxons who make a thing about it. Most, if not all, other cultures do the natural method of keeping baby close, especially at the beginning, and building the connection between baby and mother and father. BUT no bed sharing if you are drinking, smoking or working 3 jobs so are very tired.

Everyone wins when the kids are eco-literate

Great news about a new school that is going to incorporate eco-literacy.

"A new Christchurch school has opened with a roll call of its differences, including a promise pupils will become "eco-literate".
The Seven Oaks School in Opawa, on the former horticulture campus of the Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology, has been set up by the Holistic Education Trust to add "real-life experiences" to the academic curriculum."

It is so important to marry real life experiences with academia, not just around the environment but money and culture too.

"Trust chairman Bruce McIntyre, the founder of outdoor apparel company Macpac, opened the school yesterday, saying it sprung from a dissatisfaction with humankind's environmental destruction.
"If we are to secure a place on this planet for our children and their children, we have no option but to improve the level of human consciousness," he said.
"And the only institution in society that can do this is education."
McIntyre said in addition to the "3Rs", pupils at Seven Oaks would become eco-literate.
"Even more importantly, they will become highly aware of who they are physically, emotionally, mentally and intuitively," he said."

Good luck to this group who have 'grasped the nettle' and taken action to get the results they believe in.

Blessings for new state school

This is the right way to do it.

"Land where the first new state school in Otago and Southland in 30 years will be built was blessed in an informal ceremony early yesterday morning.
Ngai Tahu representative Dean Whaanga, of Bluff, led 34 people in a cleansing of the Lake Ave site and laid down a clear pathway for the Remarkables Primary School project to take place by symbolically sprinkling water from Lake Wakatipu.
Mr Whaanga gave thanks to Mother Earth and asked her forgiveness for the tilling of the land, which began later the same day."

When such programs are started out correctly, then their success is much more likely.

Amazing to think that this is the first state school built in Otago and Southland for 30 years.

I thought you were looking after the kids?

The news around early childhood centres and the care they provide is thought provoking.

"New Zealand has among the highest rates of early childhood education participation in the world.
According to Unicef, 32 per cent of Kiwi children under three are enrolled in care, compared with the OECD average of 24 per cent."

That's ONE IN THREE under 3-year olds in childcare!

An important point first. I don't point any blame at parents for trying to do the best they can do, by working and putting their children into childcare.

My question is, "Why is our society set up so that parents have to both work to survive?"

It really is the opposite of the way it should be.

The ERO says,
"Concerns about aspects of compliance in about half of the 74 centres checked. These included the monitoring of sleeping children, hazard management systems and some aspects of record keeping for excursions."
and
"Where routines were not well managed, children often spent too long waiting for food to be provided, to be put to bed or have their nappies changed.
In some centres, resources were stored out of reach and there were barriers between play areas. Inflexible routines stopping children from having independent access to play equipment.
In nearly two-thirds of the centres, the outdoor environment was not set up to encourage children's physical development and exploration.
ERO had concerns about the quality of interactions in some centres, such as teachers not interacting with children at meal times because they were focused on cleaning tasks."

Unless you are there all day, how do we know what is happening with our children.

So two big questions - Why are we leaders of the world in getting other people to look after our children, while we slave like dogs to make ends meet? and How can we ensure that our children are protected, and properly looked after when they are in the care of early childhood centres?